beauty from ashes

weakness...why?

Lately I have been thinking about the idea of "weakness".  I do know that God has been teaching me a lot about this, but it's almost like the more I learn, the more the questions come up.  

***Why do I have so many weaknesses?

***Is it me, or are they multiplying?

***Why do I feel so insecure at times?

***Does everyone feel like this?

In this, I also wonder if the weaknesses are actually a gift---like a vehicle that drives me to my God.  I do know that my biggest time of growth and change, and my best time of connection with God has been during times of difficulty, and much has been revealed as I have learned to be more honest with myself about who I am and what I struggle with.

MY grace is all you need. MY power works best in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

See what I mean?

It's like we are supposed to be weak, so that HE can show HIMSELF strong within us.

This verse does not say that GOD will make me strong.  It says that in my weakness, HE is shown strong.  There is a big differnence in those two ideas.  They actually oppose each other.

I am going to be honest here...

Lately I have a bit of a struggle with going to church.  Over the last 10+ years I have wandered from church to church, enjoying each one for a while, and then leaving when things start to feel uncomfortable---usually right about the time I start feeling "at home".  Now, I know where this all stems from.  I was part of a very rough church situation a number of years ago where, to be honest, I almost walked away from God.  What was left of my relationship with HIM after it was all over, was the tiniest thread, but I will say that my GOD is really good at holding onto tiny threads.  

Only HIS grip on me kept me with HIM.

Now, many years later, those feelings and fears like to show themselves whenever I feel good about where I am fellowshipping, and generally when I am ready to get more involved.

Hmmm....sounds a little suspicious to me, don't you think?

But no matter where the struggle stems from, the weakness is mine.  

My GOD promises to show HIMSELF strong on my behalf.  So, I choose to trust HIM.

Last week on Sunday I was having a great quiet time, writing down all kinds of cool things that I needed to keep in mind at church, and verses to hold onto.  But unfortunately I crashed and burned before I could even get into the shower to get ready.  Looking back I realize that all of those assurances were about me. I forgot that the main thing that GOD has for me right now is to trust HIM in everything.  There is no need to strengthen myself with words of power and ability...it's HIS power and ability that will propel me forward and truly walk me through the problem.  

It sounds so freeing to just get up and go to church on Sunday without all of the weird feelings!

So, at this point I am focusing on the fact that I don't have to rely on me.  This is all GOD'S job.  HE wants me to lay down my reliance on myself, and depend fully on HIM.  

What an incredible amount of pressure that takes off of me.

Such relief!

Have a lovely day, friends!

just want to share this with you...

I am reading a wonderful book called Becoming Myself by Stasi Eldredge and I came across these words that I want to share with you.  Ladies, we need to remember this:

"As God nurtures, protects, prepares and initiates us, He restores us to the truth of who we are and reality of the life we are living and meant to live. We can be satisfied.  We are loved, wanted, seen, delighted in, provided for, cherished, chosen, known and planned on.  We are set apart, believed in, invited, valued, of immeasurable worth, and blessed."

All of those things you have always wanted from someone in your life?  God has given to you already.

My prayer is that He opens your eyes to those good things today.

thankful

God,

You are so good to me.  You have walked with me through a season of humbling brokenness.  You have lovingly allowed me to fall apart, simply because you have something better for me.  You walked me through this because you love me, and you don't want me to stay in a place that is not Your best for me.

I sense the season has changed, and for that I am thankful.

Restoration has begun.

A few years ago you placed Joel 2:25 on my heart.  Your promise to me was to restore the years the locusts had taken away.  I admit that I expected that to look different than what you had planned for me.  You gently showed me that you were creating a new life for me:

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43: 19

The life you have walked me into is sparkling and bubbling up all around me.  All I have to do is look around to see all of the goodness you have given me.  A lovely home to share with my daughter...we call it our "bachlorette pad".  A business that allows me to do what I love.  Friends...the best ever!  You have placed me in the middle of a wonderful group of people that I adore.  And you have truly given me a future that is full of hope and promise.

And laughter.  You have given me so much laughter.

Thank you, Daddy.  You have given me more than I could have asked for or imagined.

With much love,

Your daughter.

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little successes

"Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established."  Proverbs 16:3

Lately I find myself frustrated---with ME!  And it's not in a bad way where I feel like a loser or a disaster, but rather where I feel ready to be done with some bad habits---those areas where my patterns of thought and action are destructive to my relationships.

I am ready to change.

As the saying goes: This is where the rubber meets the road.

And things get challenging.

Right now I am stuck on that stretch of road between "head-knowledge" and "heart-knowledge".  I have a head full of great communication skills, life-living skills, and problem-solving skills.  Putting these into action has everything to do with what I "know" and nothing to do with what comes naturally to me.

It's simply applying steps A, B and C to  situation because I KNOW it's what is best, and then backing up to see what happens.

So far what has happened has been good.  And I am journaling those little successes so that I remember that I am making progress.

I have a friend who likes to remind me not to despise small beginnings.  Change takes time.  And often it's in the looking back that we see how far we have come

What about you?  Are there areas where you feel like you are driving blind?  Walking by faith rather than sight?

***I would love for you to leave a comment or join the discussion on the Beauty from Ashes Facebook page!

what i know to be true

My favorite book in the Bible is Hosea.

It's message is love and mercy, grace and redemption, and a God who never fails, even when life seems impossibly hard.

Reading through it once again I paused at the 2nd verse in chapter 1:

"When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, "Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord."

Honestly, I have never caught this before to this extent:

God asked Hosea to live out that which he would preach to the people.  He allowed Hosea to intimately understand the message he would deliver.

Oh boy, I can identify with that!  Much time over the last few years I have struggled "WHY?".  

Well, if I am really honest, I have struggled with "Are you freaking kidding me!!!!".

While I have received no answer or explanation for either one of these inquiries, I do know that my mess is truly becoming my message.

IT IS WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE.  IT IS WHAT I CAN TELL YOU IS FACT WITHOUT A SHADOW OF HESITATION.

My God loves me.  He cares for me.  He leads me.  He pursues me.  He will never leave me.  He is always by my side.  He is always available to give me direction.  He will take care of me on every level--spiritually, financially, emotionally.  He is my Husband, my Daddy, and my very best friend.

HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.

And He is all of those things for you too.  

YOU.  Just you.  All by yourself.  This is not a "we" thing.  HE LOVES YOU.

With a passion that you can not even begin to understand the depths of.

Lately, life has allowed me to further learn some of these truths, and I must say that my God does not disappoint.  He is all of the above and more.  Every single day.

What about you?  What lesson is God teaching you in your mess?  It is possible that He is fashioning your message?

***I would love for you to leave a comment or join the discussion on the Beauty from Ashes Facebook page!

professional me

The amatuer believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work.  The professional knows that fear can never be overcome.  He knows that there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.  ---Steven Pressfield

I have lived my life as an amatuer.

Up to this point, anyway.

Waiting for my feelings to change before I take that chance, mincing words that need to be said because I don't have the guts to say them, standing outside of intimacy because I feel to vulnerable and what if...WHAT IF...I get hurt?

...God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  ---2 Timothy 1:7

The fear is not from God...and sometimes it's not even from me.  It's that voice inside my head that loves to convey doom, lack and loss.

DOOM, LACK, LOSS

Stepping back, staring at those words, it's obvious that God has more for me.  And you.  He offers hope, abundance, and blessing.

HOPE, ABUNDANCE, BLESSING

Those 3 words.

If I really knew, at the core of who I am, that those 3 words defined my life, I would live differently, my choices would change, my risks would be bigger, and my trust would be HUGE!

It's not a matter of IF those words are a reality, it's a matter of me knowing it and walking into it.

It's a matter of living my life as an amatuer or as a professional.

An amatuer accepts doom, lack and loss.  An amatuer expects those things.

A professional expects  hope, abundance and blessing.

Hmmm...which one should I choose to be today?

things they are a changin' (by randi)

Do not fear change, for I am making you a new creation, with old things passing away and new things continually on the horizon.  When you cling to old ways and sameness, you resist My work within you. ---JESUS CALLING

...if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.  ---2 Corinthians 5:17

Is it possible that I have slowed down God's work in my life over the years simple because it was NEW?

It is CHANGE.

And guess what? I don't like change.  Most people don't.  Most of us cling to old ways in spite of the fact that they keep bringing the same stale results.

If the old is gone and new has come, shouldn't I expect change---shouldn't I welcome it?

The days, months and years following a divorce are an eye-opening time, to say the least.  You are presented with your side of the equation in a pretty stark way.  It's a necessary revelation, but not an easy one to swallow.

These days, I am learning new ways to operate within my relationships.  And guess what?  Some of them are great and I love them!

Others?

Not so great.  Not so easy.

Simply because they are new---CHANGE---they are hard.  And somewhat aggravating.  But they are my ticket to healthy relationships in my future.

See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  ---Isaiah 43:19

HE is going a new thing.

And I perceive it!

Today's topic: What new things are taking place in your life.  Are you resisting or allowing for those changes?

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new words for a new year (by randi)

Last year, for the first time, I asked God to give me a "word" for my new year.  Something that identifies the direction He would be taking me.  I guess I am the type of person who likes to know "the plan".

For this year, on New Year's Eve, He gave me my two words for 2014.  They are:

PERCEIVE and COURAGE

Perceive comes from Isaiah 43:18-19: Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Perceive means to know by experience and to discover.

Courage comes from Joshua 1:9-11: Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go....take possession of the land God is giving you.

Courage means be strong and alert, to restore, to strengthen, to persist in, and to be obstinate.

This looks to be an "action" year for me.  While last year was more of a restful, healing year, 2014 is the year I get to "know by experience" what God has for me. I also get to walk in strength and alertness and restoration.  And my favorite: I get to be obstinate.  Unfortunately I already do that one pretty well, so I hope that God will show me how to be obstinate His way.  Insert "smiley face" here.

Over the last couple of weeks a few phrases keep being tossed my way: "Step into it", "Walk towards it" and "Rise up".

My God is taking me somewhere, but I don't know where.  There are 4 specific areas that I know He is leading me in, but only one has any "shape" at this point...only one has an outline that is defined.  Everything else is vague.

Did I mention that I like to know the plan?

My expectation for 2014 is that I will see some things take shape,  and that I will be challenged and put into situations that are outside of my norm.  But I feel an excitement and a readiness to step into it...walk towards it...and rise up because my God has something new and good for me.

I am praying for eyes to perceive it and the courage to take it for my own.

Today's topic:  WHAT DO YOU WANT GOD TO DEVELOP MORE OF IN YOUR LIFE IN 2014? Joy? Patience? Courage?

***Follow the discussion on our Facebook page!

grabbing hold of healing (by randi)

Lately I have been longing for healing in a couple of areas in my life.  Nothing physical, but rather areas of insecurity that I am sick of dealing with.

Over the last few years God has brought about many changes in my life.  Healing and restoration have been abundant, and I can truly say that life is good.  In all of this, HE has been gentle and kind, and progress has been abundant, but slow.

Today I feel called into a different type of healing.  It is the kind of healing that I have to reach out and grab, just like the lady in Matthew 9:

"Just then a woman who had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding came up behind him.  She touched the fringe of His robe, for she thought, "If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed."

She knew there was healing to be had, and she took it.

This kind of healing isn't the easiest. It depends on yielding to my own weakness, knowing that God's Strength will step in.  It depends on my stepping out and taking what is mine. It depends on me grabbing hold of what God has already given me.

It depends on me being bold.

And guess what?  Most people don't describe me as bold.

But apparently my God does.  And that is my truth.

Today I am stepping out.  And I am going to grab  hold of my healing!

he is doing a new thing (by randi)

So, our school year is starting quite soon, and this time I am down to one. Aubry is in 6th grade and she is my only student.

Sounds easy enough, right?

Well, not so much.

I have been very hesitant about preparing for homeschooling this year, and I finally figured out why:

1. It's just me this year.  And single-mom homeschooling isn't typical.

2. I have no "vision".  Why am I doing this?

3. It's one more "first" to tackle.

I have lots of homeschooling friends.  And they are all married.  And, until recently, I was too.  Now I feel like kind of an oddball in a very family-oriented setting.

Now, don't even get me wrong. I know that my kids and I constitute a family.  A very strong one, in fact.  But this still feels odd.  Like I am not quite sure how I fit here.

And the vision thing.

...without vision the people perish.  *Proverbs 29:18

Why am I homeschooling?

Because I always have?

No, that's not cutting it anymore.

On Monday some friends and I got together to encourage each other in our homeschooling efforts.  And I had a major breakthrough.

After sharing my dilemma, a friend encouraged me to allow God to do a "new thing".  To quit digging through the ashes of the past, and allow Him to create something brand new in my family.  She also suggested that I name my homeschool.

I have great friends, eh?

The next morning I came across this verse:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  *Isaiah 43:19

And I knew right away what my vision is and what my homeschool is called:

PERCEIVING SPRINGS HOMESCHOOL

God wants me to create a home where we perceive (are very aware of) the things God is doing in our lives.  A place where what He is springing up, is completely obvious.  Not hidden.

And, in fact, I am shortening the name.  

PERCEIVING SPRINGS HOME

That's who we are.