beauty from ashes

he is doing a new thing (by randi)

So, our school year is starting quite soon, and this time I am down to one. Aubry is in 6th grade and she is my only student.

Sounds easy enough, right?

Well, not so much.

I have been very hesitant about preparing for homeschooling this year, and I finally figured out why:

1. It's just me this year.  And single-mom homeschooling isn't typical.

2. I have no "vision".  Why am I doing this?

3. It's one more "first" to tackle.

I have lots of homeschooling friends.  And they are all married.  And, until recently, I was too.  Now I feel like kind of an oddball in a very family-oriented setting.

Now, don't even get me wrong. I know that my kids and I constitute a family.  A very strong one, in fact.  But this still feels odd.  Like I am not quite sure how I fit here.

And the vision thing.

...without vision the people perish.  *Proverbs 29:18

Why am I homeschooling?

Because I always have?

No, that's not cutting it anymore.

On Monday some friends and I got together to encourage each other in our homeschooling efforts.  And I had a major breakthrough.

After sharing my dilemma, a friend encouraged me to allow God to do a "new thing".  To quit digging through the ashes of the past, and allow Him to create something brand new in my family.  She also suggested that I name my homeschool.

I have great friends, eh?

The next morning I came across this verse:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  *Isaiah 43:19

And I knew right away what my vision is and what my homeschool is called:

PERCEIVING SPRINGS HOMESCHOOL

God wants me to create a home where we perceive (are very aware of) the things God is doing in our lives.  A place where what He is springing up, is completely obvious.  Not hidden.

And, in fact, I am shortening the name.  

PERCEIVING SPRINGS HOME

That's who we are.

 

into the light (by randi)

So, I feel the need to share a little bit of my life with you all.  You all show up faithfully to read my blogs, take a step into my life, and encourage me, and there is a little something hidden that I feel I need to bring into the light.  Not because I want to expose myself, but rather because I want you to share in the work God has done in my life over the last couple of years.

It's been an incredibly rough ride, but more and more I am finding that the ride has been completely worth it in every way.

Here goes:

I am single.

No longer married.

Divorced.

I never thought those words would describe my life.  NEVER.

But I have found over the last couple of years that circumstance has caused me to take a pen to paper and make them true.

Walking this road has been more than rough.

Grueling.  Heartbreaking. Impossible.  Destructive.  Depressing.  Frightening.  Confusing.  Unclear.  Shameful.

But God found me on that road.

I have been a Christian for a long time, but to be honest, becoming a person who follows God whole-heartedly is new to me.  I really do believe and know that there is a certain level of relationship with God acheived only in the furnace of pain.  At least that holds true for me.

And I have finally reached the point where I am totally and completely thankful for this new life God has given me.

HE has dragged me up and out of a miry, dark pit and has placed my feet firmly on the rock that is HIM, and He has cleared my vision to see that there is so much more goodness in this life than I ever knew possible.

Friends. I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I am in this area.  My friends have encircled me, held me, encouraged me, and scraped me up off the ground too many times to count.  The have guided me through difficult decisions, and cheered me on while I took my first tentative steps into single life.  There have been times when I have been so low that they had to remind me to breath.  To simply take in breath.  And the prayers.  A million of them.

There is no way for me to properly thank them.

And God Himself.  He is my everything.  Everyday.  He is my Husband, my Partner, my Friend.  My Shepard. My Strength, my Redeemer.  My Peace and my Guide.  My Protector, my Covering.  My Daddy.

HE truly is the love of my life.

And He has cared for me in every way.  Everyday.  The ways in which He has demonstrated His provision and care for me are nothing short of miraculous. 

Believe me when I say that HIS PROMISES ARE SURE!

For me and for you!

Because of all it's shiny newness, I wouldn't trade my new life for anything in the past.  Not one bit.  The sparkling love that my God rains down on me each and every day is almost too much for me to contain. 

I can't believe my good luck in this life.

Thank you for hearing my heart, friends!

I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.  He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps.  He has put a new song in my mouth—praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.      ---Psalm 40 1-3

running my own race (by randi)

...let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  ---Hebrews 12:1

We are all running a race, whether we know it or not.  It's a race that God has entered us in, and He wants us to make it to the finish line.  One of the problems in reaching our finish line is distraction in the form of comparison.  It's paying more attention to another person's race while leaving our own undone.  

Or should I say unrun?

I was reading this morning in a book by Dr. Tony Evans and he shared this little story:

"This reminds me of an incident that happened several years ago in the Goodwill Games, which were being held in Edmonton, Canada.  During the four-by-one-hundred relay, a Jamaican athlete who was to run the third leg of the race for his team allowed his attention to wander as he waited for the baton to be passed.  This man happened to look up at the big screen that was televising another event and saw a friend of his getting ready to compete.  The runner stared at the screen for just  a few seconds, but as he did so his teammate came running up to him with the baton.  Instead of a smooth handoff, the incoming runner collided with his distracted teammate, and the race was over for the Jamaican team.  

The message for us is clear.  We need to stop looking at other people's races and start running our own race."

I have a race to run and I am pretty clear on what it is.  My problem is that it looks quite different from the one those people that are around me are called to run.  And I get distracted in that.

There are things about their races that I want.  Right now.

In reality, I know that those things will be coming my way.  Someday.  But not right now.

Right now my mind and my will need to focused on my own race.  And where God is taking me in that race.

He is the only One who can get me to the finish line free of distraction, and full of purpose.  I want to cross the finish line sprinting and doing my very best at the end, rather than dragging myself along while I am paying too much attention to other people and their races.

The race is set before me.

All I have to do is run it!

New Mercies Every Day (by randi)

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.  --Zephaniah 3:17

Hold MY hand and trust.  So long as you are conscious of MY presence with you, all is well.  You find the deepest fulfillment of your heart in ME alone.  --from Jesus Calling on June 24

It's funny (or not) that I am able to get up in the morning, have quiet time, feel completely pressed into God, and the minute I get out of bed, something chips away at that feeling.  Something small, generally: a job left undone by my kids or a post-it note on the counter reminding me of today's to-do list.

Lately I have noticed a quick temper in myself that I don't like. Is it impatience, anger, unbelief?  Hormones?

I don't know, but it's there.

Yesterday I was trying to head out the door and had to run upstairs to get my purse. I came back downstairs, openned the front door and then realized that my phone was still upstairs on the charger.

Immediately I was upset at the hassle of having to go upstairs AGAIN to retreive my phone.

"Seriously?"  "Are you kidding me?"  "I am in a hurry here and I don't have time for this!"

When all of a sudden it dawned on me that there were 8 stairs and a few extra steps that separated me from my phone.  And I realized I was being ridiculous.  And that my attitude lately has not been what I want to be walking in.

So today I get to start over.  HIS mercies are new every day, after all.  A new day is like a clean slate, ready to be written on.  And today I want to be sure that what I write reflects trust.  And hope.  And peace.

All of the stress and freaking out is free to go away.  It's making me tired.

HE will quiet me with His love.

On this new day, I am hanging onto that promise!

The Big Hair Theory (by Erin)

I have big hair. Lots and lots of blonde, incredibly curly, big hair.  And by blonde, I mean bottled.  With Grey Magic added in to cover the ravages of 50 years of life showing their frosty white tendrils trying to accent a few crows feet. Or laugh lines, depending on your outlook.

I have always been a little afraid of my hair.  It's so unruly. It has a mind of it's own.  Without a lot of hair products worked into it, it becomes a frizzy unbelievable "finger in a light socket" disaster.  It is a lot of work to find the right stylist, find the right cut, find the right products and not fall into a rut.  Those of you with straight hair often look at me wistfully and wish you could have my hair.  I look at your hair that seems so versatile and free flowing and with so many options, and I wish I could have your hair.

When I was 8, my parents got divorced. My dad took me to get my passport photo so that I could travel to Ireland to stay with my grandparents. I had lovely shoulder length dirty blonde hair.  Right after the photo he took me to some sort of a haircut place and had it all chopped off into short poodle curls.  And off I went to a foreign country, new passport but a whole identity stripped away.  A, seemingly, cold hearted father chopping off my hair and walking out of my life. Again, outlook.

My dad was wounded too.

For the past 5 years I have let my hair get longer and longer. Stressful and painful circumstances, tight on resources, loss of interest, laziness whatever.  My hair was long, way past my shoulders, down to below the middle of my back. And it was making me CRAZY!!!  I was always pulling on it accidentally, grandbaby girl was learning how to yank on it. It was hurting!

I finally took a look in the mirror and realized, "What am I trying to prove?". I went in and let my amazing stylist cut a large amount of length off and layer it.

So freeing.  I could breathe.  As I looked at the curls, which I had taken to just pulling back in a boring ponytail, I let go of and said goodbye to an old wound.  Once and for all.  My identity is in my King, My Father God who loves me.

In a couple of weeks we're having a party for my 50th birthday. It's an 80's dance party and everyone has to come dressed for the 80's.  I still have enough hair to do some seriously big hair and I am going for it big time. I will dress in some sort of neon clothing and I will dance to lots and lots of my favorite songs from the 80's. I will laugh with my friends and family and eat BBQ and potluck and be delighted with how many young people are in my life. Lots of amazing kiddos are coming to my party.

Over the next couple of weeks, I'm looking back on 50 years of life and I'm saying, Hasta Finito, Baby. That chapter is over.  I'm looking forward and saying, "My future is so bright, I gotta wear shades."  No more identity crisis, over my hair or anything else. I know who I am and I know where I'm going.  And it looks good. I may even chop some more of my hair off.

I've got plenty to spare.

I know this post is a bit long.  I'm turning 50 though. I figure ya'll will cut me some slack.  I pray that you find those places where you can 'chop off some hair' and find your true identity in your Daddy God!

Who Am I? (by randi)

This morning I read the story of Saul's call to greatness in the book of Samuel.  God had already revealed to Samuel that Saul was to be crowned prince of His people, but when confronted with that truth, Saul's response was:

And Saul answered and said, "Am I not a Benjamite, of the smallest of the tribes of Israel, and my family the least of all the families of the tribe of Benjamin? Why then do you speak like this to me?"  **1 Samuel 9:31 

This is a response born of low self-esteem and a skewed perception of who Saul thought he was.  God's thoughts about who Saul was---who God created Saul to be---were completely different.  God had already chosen Saul to be a ruler.

In the next chapter Samuel anoints Saul and this is the conclusion:

"Then the Spirit of the Lord will come upon you, and you will prophesy with them and be turned into another man.  **1 Samuel 10:6

Once the Spirit of the Lord came upon Saul, he was changed into another man.

Another man!

This is awesome! And it's a truth we can all be encouraged by.

When God moves in our lives we might initially make excuses as to why we CAN'T.  Why we are UNFIT.  Or why IT'S JUST NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ME.

But once we get the excuses out of the way and look to God and His equipping, we see that the words, "Mystrength is made perfect in weakness" are the power behind what needs to be done.

There are a couple of things that I know that God has asked me to do, and let me tell you that I can list at least 10 excuses why "IT'S JUST NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ME"  in about one minute.  Give me 5 minutes and I could fill a page.

But guess what?

God thinks different things about me.

And who am I to think differently about myself and my life than God does?

 

The Big Trade-Off (by randi)

Remember when you were in grade school and your friend wanted to trade their sandwich with yours at lunchtime?  Remember thinking that you didn't really want to, but you did it just to maintain the friendship?  Remember biting into your newly-aquired ham and cheese and just wishing you could still call that PBJ your own?  But at the same time being glad because your friend was now closer to you than ever?

Well, I remember that too.

But now adulthood is here in full-force and there is no turning back to the school cafeteria.

And the trade-offs get a bit harder to navigate.

We trade things everyday to get what we want.  Taking on extra work hours to afford that new roof on the house.  Stepping down from that important and exciting position because your family needs your time.  Giving up an important relationship because it's dragging you down and you  know it.

Adult trade-offs aren't so simple.

Trading things up with God is an entirely different story.  With Him, the big winner is me.

Everytime.

Think about these trade-offs described in Isaiah 61:

***I get beauty by handing off the ashes of my life.

***He gives me the oil of joy simply by giving Him my mourning.

***To receive the garment of praise, all I have to do is to give up the spirit of heaviness that I have been dragging around.

Not to shabby, don't you think?

The clear winner in all of these trades is me.  And He promises the same to you!

If we give Him the weight of the world that we carry around, He gives us life and freedom.  Honestly, I can't believe that in so many areas I resisted this trade for so many years.  I guess for some of us it takes being put in a place where the choice is so clear that it is almost made for us.

But that's OK.

Trade-offs have been made.

And I couldn't be happier about it!

there is freedom in forgiveness (by randi)

It's way too easy to get bogged down in the past.  All of the hurts, the mistakes and the losses all seem to pursue me at times, always ready to consume.

When life comes creeping up on my like that, I can almost always trace it right back to a root of bitterness.

Unforgiveness.

How easy it is to wall myself in and build a cozy little fortress around my life, all in the name of self-protection.  I stand firm knowing that I won't let anyone hurt me that way again.

Safe as it may sound, that thought process can be a trap.

In John 20:23, after Jesus had risen, He appeared to the disciples, breathed on them, and released the Holy Spirit into their lives.

And then guess what he told them to do next?

Evangelize?  Feed the poor?  Teach bible studies?

Nope.

He told them to forgive.

Jesus' number one priority to His freshly-minted Spirit-filled believers was to forgive.

Why forgiveness?

Because it frees me.

Forgiveness frees me to walk forward into the life God has envisioned for me.  Unforgiveness only tethers me to the past and keeps me looking backward.

God has a good future for me and for you.  But in order to get there we have to release the burden of the past so that we can freely walk forward.

Freedom.  It's what He came to give us.  Let's walk in it!

 

under the shadow of His wings

Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings.  Psalm 63:7-8

You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts my head.  Psalm 3:3

Life can be hard, friends.

I say this not to make life sound like a drudgery, but in the reality of daily living, challenges abound.  Sometimes those challenges are a crying child or unpaid bills, and sometimes they are a marriage breaking up or an illness that won't seem to go away.

Whatever your challenges, God is a source of peace and rest.  He is a shield and a protector who is so trustworthy that we can actually sing and smile in the midst of daily pressures.  

He truly has our lives in His hands.

I have a picture in my mind of a little girl and her daddy at the park.  The dad pushes his girl on the swings, catches her at the bottom of the slide and follows her from amusement to amusement, all the while watching her and delighting in her.  During this time, the economy stinks, world events escalate to breaking points, a drought covers most of our country and each day seems uncertain for most people.  

Will my job still be there tomorrow?  Will I be able to pay my house payment each month?  Can I afford enough groceries this month? 

The little girl knows none of this, because she is engaged so fully in her Daddy's presence and she trusts Him.

We are the little girl, friends, and God is our Daddy.  All of our problems are still there, in the background, and some are even right next to us, taunting us, refusing to go away.  But in our Daddy's shadow, all is well.  We are able to sing and dance and lift our heads to a Father who has it all under control.

HE IS THE REASON WE CAN SING TODAY.

***Click here to listen to an amazing song.  It's a good one to keep in the background during the days when life is a little more than you feel like you can take.  And it's good on happy days too!

***The post was inspired by Jesus Calling, March 7th.

babies and diapers and sleep, oh my!

i apologize, in advance, for the delay in writing a new blog post. little miss dailee nekole
made her entrance into our world on january 20th and it's been a whirlwind ever since.

i actually had to go back to see what i had written last time!  and in reviewing that post.
i can say aloud with a voice of triumph "God is more faithful than we can ever imagine!!".

my hubby got work, and we're in the cycle of waiting on more work! haha! never ending!
dailee has turned our world upside down, in a great way! i honestly had forgotten how
much work little babies are, but when she gives me a tiny smile or reaches up and touches
my face when i'm feeding her, my heart just soars to the heavens. and then we all try to
take a nap!

i have nothing profound to write today.  except this:

bills and mortgage payments and challenges will always be a part of our lives, Jesus
promised that in this world we will always have trouble.  and so we have to actively
seek out the things that bring us happiness and joy in the midst of the troubles.  by
keeping our focus on our King and looking for and being grateful for the little things
He does to bless us each day, we can find that joy.  it's a choice we have to make.

i'm praying He gives you a little kiss this week that is so obvious it's from Him that
it makes you giggle!!