beauty from ashes

weakness...why?

Lately I have been thinking about the idea of "weakness".  I do know that God has been teaching me a lot about this, but it's almost like the more I learn, the more the questions come up.  

***Why do I have so many weaknesses?

***Is it me, or are they multiplying?

***Why do I feel so insecure at times?

***Does everyone feel like this?

In this, I also wonder if the weaknesses are actually a gift---like a vehicle that drives me to my God.  I do know that my biggest time of growth and change, and my best time of connection with God has been during times of difficulty, and much has been revealed as I have learned to be more honest with myself about who I am and what I struggle with.

MY grace is all you need. MY power works best in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

See what I mean?

It's like we are supposed to be weak, so that HE can show HIMSELF strong within us.

This verse does not say that GOD will make me strong.  It says that in my weakness, HE is shown strong.  There is a big differnence in those two ideas.  They actually oppose each other.

I am going to be honest here...

Lately I have a bit of a struggle with going to church.  Over the last 10+ years I have wandered from church to church, enjoying each one for a while, and then leaving when things start to feel uncomfortable---usually right about the time I start feeling "at home".  Now, I know where this all stems from.  I was part of a very rough church situation a number of years ago where, to be honest, I almost walked away from God.  What was left of my relationship with HIM after it was all over, was the tiniest thread, but I will say that my GOD is really good at holding onto tiny threads.  

Only HIS grip on me kept me with HIM.

Now, many years later, those feelings and fears like to show themselves whenever I feel good about where I am fellowshipping, and generally when I am ready to get more involved.

Hmmm....sounds a little suspicious to me, don't you think?

But no matter where the struggle stems from, the weakness is mine.  

My GOD promises to show HIMSELF strong on my behalf.  So, I choose to trust HIM.

Last week on Sunday I was having a great quiet time, writing down all kinds of cool things that I needed to keep in mind at church, and verses to hold onto.  But unfortunately I crashed and burned before I could even get into the shower to get ready.  Looking back I realize that all of those assurances were about me. I forgot that the main thing that GOD has for me right now is to trust HIM in everything.  There is no need to strengthen myself with words of power and ability...it's HIS power and ability that will propel me forward and truly walk me through the problem.  

It sounds so freeing to just get up and go to church on Sunday without all of the weird feelings!

So, at this point I am focusing on the fact that I don't have to rely on me.  This is all GOD'S job.  HE wants me to lay down my reliance on myself, and depend fully on HIM.  

What an incredible amount of pressure that takes off of me.

Such relief!

Have a lovely day, friends!

just want to share this with you...

I am reading a wonderful book called Becoming Myself by Stasi Eldredge and I came across these words that I want to share with you.  Ladies, we need to remember this:

"As God nurtures, protects, prepares and initiates us, He restores us to the truth of who we are and reality of the life we are living and meant to live. We can be satisfied.  We are loved, wanted, seen, delighted in, provided for, cherished, chosen, known and planned on.  We are set apart, believed in, invited, valued, of immeasurable worth, and blessed."

All of those things you have always wanted from someone in your life?  God has given to you already.

My prayer is that He opens your eyes to those good things today.

thankful

God,

You are so good to me.  You have walked with me through a season of humbling brokenness.  You have lovingly allowed me to fall apart, simply because you have something better for me.  You walked me through this because you love me, and you don't want me to stay in a place that is not Your best for me.

I sense the season has changed, and for that I am thankful.

Restoration has begun.

A few years ago you placed Joel 2:25 on my heart.  Your promise to me was to restore the years the locusts had taken away.  I admit that I expected that to look different than what you had planned for me.  You gently showed me that you were creating a new life for me:

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43: 19

The life you have walked me into is sparkling and bubbling up all around me.  All I have to do is look around to see all of the goodness you have given me.  A lovely home to share with my daughter...we call it our "bachlorette pad".  A business that allows me to do what I love.  Friends...the best ever!  You have placed me in the middle of a wonderful group of people that I adore.  And you have truly given me a future that is full of hope and promise.

And laughter.  You have given me so much laughter.

Thank you, Daddy.  You have given me more than I could have asked for or imagined.

With much love,

Your daughter.

***Click here to visit the Beauty from Ashes Facebook page.

do you hear what i hear? (by erin)

How many of you have seen the show, "Frasier"? It was a very witty sitcom with Dr. Frasier Crane, a Talk Radio Pyschiatrist, and he would always answer, "Dr. Frasier Crane, I'm listening", in a very soothing, authoritative, psychiatrist voice. He was available to listen 2 hours a day and then was off to live his upscale life in Seattle.

I'm so glad that God is not like that. 

One of my favorite scripture verses is Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord, he inclined (listened) and heard my cry.

Sometimes we have to wait patiently for the Lord. Sometimes I am not really very good at the patience part. But the key here is that God listens. He hears us. 

Verse 2 reads, He brought me also out of the horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock and ordered my goings. (GNV)

Not only does He hear us but He rescues us, from whatever horrible pit or sticky situation we are in and sets us back on our way.

Unlike Frasier, God is always available to listen to us. What I have found to be true for me is that the more I talk to Him and LISTEN to what He has to say, the faster I seem to get out of the pit. I still run to my friends for advice sometimes before I run to God, but ultimately He has the answers I'm seeking. I'm blessed to have friends that always point me back to Him.

Today's Topic: Is there a "pit" you find yourself in today? You can be certain if you cry out to God he will incline to you. Please let Randi and I know if you'd like us to be praying for you, specifically. It would be our privilege to do that.

***We would love for you to leave a comment or follow the discussion on our Facebook page!

Peace (by Erin)

Are you as shocked as I am that we are already halfway through 
Advent 2013? Where is the time going? The days and years seem
to be flying by at whiz bang speed. I find myself scrambling to keep
up. Do you?

As I surveyed the snow covered ground of our back property last
night and listened to the coyotes howl a mere 2 fields away, and
a short time later heard the dying cry of whatever they had captured,
it struck me that I have been living in fear of living.

Residing at the base of the Rocky Mountains opens up a whole other
world of things to be in fear of. Bears, mountain lions, a good-sized
river (which sadly has claimed lives since we moved here), and even
our, relatively safe, little town is trapped in bondage to drugs, alcohol 
and complacency, which can be frightening as well. And, as I 
mentioned, it snows and it's cold which gets icy and well, you know,
fear of accidents and falling down. The list can be endless.

But...there's the rub. I live in the beautiful Rocky Mountains, close
to the Arkansas River and many beautiful parks and I have wonderful,
amazing friends and family and God's plan for my life being played
out, I attend a bible preaching, Jesus believing, Holy Spirit leading
fantastic church with a very eclectic, and lovely group of fellow
sojourners, and yet I fear.  

Peace is the balm of Gilead needed for my soul. My mind will and
emotions at peace. Jesus said, In John 14, Peace I leave with you,
my peace I give to you. It is not as the world gives that I give to you.
Do not let your heart be troubled, and do not let it be afraid.  

I think that must be why Paul exhorts us to shod our feet with
the preparation of the gospel (the glad tidings) of peace. (That
passes understanding!) I (we) don't have to live in fear if we
are living with the Prince of Peace who is living in us. He is
with us, wherever we walk, Emmanuel - God with us. Now,
that truth, right there, that's peace.  And that peace feels a
whole lot better than the fear.

I wish you a very Merry, peace filled, Christmas..

autumnal equinox (by erin)

There is a change in the air.  The leaves are turning and I need a wrap of some sort in the evening when I sit on the porch, pondering life.

The wedding of the Man who was my boy and his girl was really sweet and beautiful. We are settling in to life. Our baby girl said her first word today so clearly, and it was the name of her Godfather, Micah. It was an amazing moment for me. So rich with joy.

Each fall I say the words, "I feel God is calling me to a quiet life". Then every year an event has occurred that has stretched me to the limits. When I say those words now, one of my local besties responds, "You say that every year". Then we proceed to walk out either the big stuff that whacks me or whacks one of the other besties. Each year it feels like I haven't had a "quiet life".

One of my California bestie's visits approximately once a year. Each year I tell her that I feel God is calling me to a quiet life.  She responds, "You say that every year, and every year I see you finding a quieter and quieter life".  Because she isn't in the trenches with me day in and out, she sees the progress that I am blinded to. She has the benefit of an outside perspective.

The quiet life that God is calling me to isn't one that is void of activity. On the contrary. It's one that is balanced and focused into the specific areas I am supposed to minister in. The quietness is internal. It's being in tune with my Father, in all things. Settled in my Spirit, my mind at peace.

I like the change in the air. It's always a little disquieting knowing that change is coming. But, the bonus is that I can wear sweaters and be cozy as I settle in to the next season.  And drink tea. Lots of tea.

he is doing a new thing (by randi)

So, our school year is starting quite soon, and this time I am down to one. Aubry is in 6th grade and she is my only student.

Sounds easy enough, right?

Well, not so much.

I have been very hesitant about preparing for homeschooling this year, and I finally figured out why:

1. It's just me this year.  And single-mom homeschooling isn't typical.

2. I have no "vision".  Why am I doing this?

3. It's one more "first" to tackle.

I have lots of homeschooling friends.  And they are all married.  And, until recently, I was too.  Now I feel like kind of an oddball in a very family-oriented setting.

Now, don't even get me wrong. I know that my kids and I constitute a family.  A very strong one, in fact.  But this still feels odd.  Like I am not quite sure how I fit here.

And the vision thing.

...without vision the people perish.  *Proverbs 29:18

Why am I homeschooling?

Because I always have?

No, that's not cutting it anymore.

On Monday some friends and I got together to encourage each other in our homeschooling efforts.  And I had a major breakthrough.

After sharing my dilemma, a friend encouraged me to allow God to do a "new thing".  To quit digging through the ashes of the past, and allow Him to create something brand new in my family.  She also suggested that I name my homeschool.

I have great friends, eh?

The next morning I came across this verse:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  *Isaiah 43:19

And I knew right away what my vision is and what my homeschool is called:

PERCEIVING SPRINGS HOMESCHOOL

God wants me to create a home where we perceive (are very aware of) the things God is doing in our lives.  A place where what He is springing up, is completely obvious.  Not hidden.

And, in fact, I am shortening the name.  

PERCEIVING SPRINGS HOME

That's who we are.

 

into the light (by randi)

So, I feel the need to share a little bit of my life with you all.  You all show up faithfully to read my blogs, take a step into my life, and encourage me, and there is a little something hidden that I feel I need to bring into the light.  Not because I want to expose myself, but rather because I want you to share in the work God has done in my life over the last couple of years.

It's been an incredibly rough ride, but more and more I am finding that the ride has been completely worth it in every way.

Here goes:

I am single.

No longer married.

Divorced.

I never thought those words would describe my life.  NEVER.

But I have found over the last couple of years that circumstance has caused me to take a pen to paper and make them true.

Walking this road has been more than rough.

Grueling.  Heartbreaking. Impossible.  Destructive.  Depressing.  Frightening.  Confusing.  Unclear.  Shameful.

But God found me on that road.

I have been a Christian for a long time, but to be honest, becoming a person who follows God whole-heartedly is new to me.  I really do believe and know that there is a certain level of relationship with God acheived only in the furnace of pain.  At least that holds true for me.

And I have finally reached the point where I am totally and completely thankful for this new life God has given me.

HE has dragged me up and out of a miry, dark pit and has placed my feet firmly on the rock that is HIM, and He has cleared my vision to see that there is so much more goodness in this life than I ever knew possible.

Friends. I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I am in this area.  My friends have encircled me, held me, encouraged me, and scraped me up off the ground too many times to count.  The have guided me through difficult decisions, and cheered me on while I took my first tentative steps into single life.  There have been times when I have been so low that they had to remind me to breath.  To simply take in breath.  And the prayers.  A million of them.

There is no way for me to properly thank them.

And God Himself.  He is my everything.  Everyday.  He is my Husband, my Partner, my Friend.  My Shepard. My Strength, my Redeemer.  My Peace and my Guide.  My Protector, my Covering.  My Daddy.

HE truly is the love of my life.

And He has cared for me in every way.  Everyday.  The ways in which He has demonstrated His provision and care for me are nothing short of miraculous. 

Believe me when I say that HIS PROMISES ARE SURE!

For me and for you!

Because of all it's shiny newness, I wouldn't trade my new life for anything in the past.  Not one bit.  The sparkling love that my God rains down on me each and every day is almost too much for me to contain. 

I can't believe my good luck in this life.

Thank you for hearing my heart, friends!

I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.  He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps.  He has put a new song in my mouth—praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.      ---Psalm 40 1-3

New Mercies Every Day (by randi)

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.  --Zephaniah 3:17

Hold MY hand and trust.  So long as you are conscious of MY presence with you, all is well.  You find the deepest fulfillment of your heart in ME alone.  --from Jesus Calling on June 24

It's funny (or not) that I am able to get up in the morning, have quiet time, feel completely pressed into God, and the minute I get out of bed, something chips away at that feeling.  Something small, generally: a job left undone by my kids or a post-it note on the counter reminding me of today's to-do list.

Lately I have noticed a quick temper in myself that I don't like. Is it impatience, anger, unbelief?  Hormones?

I don't know, but it's there.

Yesterday I was trying to head out the door and had to run upstairs to get my purse. I came back downstairs, openned the front door and then realized that my phone was still upstairs on the charger.

Immediately I was upset at the hassle of having to go upstairs AGAIN to retreive my phone.

"Seriously?"  "Are you kidding me?"  "I am in a hurry here and I don't have time for this!"

When all of a sudden it dawned on me that there were 8 stairs and a few extra steps that separated me from my phone.  And I realized I was being ridiculous.  And that my attitude lately has not been what I want to be walking in.

So today I get to start over.  HIS mercies are new every day, after all.  A new day is like a clean slate, ready to be written on.  And today I want to be sure that what I write reflects trust.  And hope.  And peace.

All of the stress and freaking out is free to go away.  It's making me tired.

HE will quiet me with His love.

On this new day, I am hanging onto that promise!

The Big Hair Theory (by Erin)

I have big hair. Lots and lots of blonde, incredibly curly, big hair.  And by blonde, I mean bottled.  With Grey Magic added in to cover the ravages of 50 years of life showing their frosty white tendrils trying to accent a few crows feet. Or laugh lines, depending on your outlook.

I have always been a little afraid of my hair.  It's so unruly. It has a mind of it's own.  Without a lot of hair products worked into it, it becomes a frizzy unbelievable "finger in a light socket" disaster.  It is a lot of work to find the right stylist, find the right cut, find the right products and not fall into a rut.  Those of you with straight hair often look at me wistfully and wish you could have my hair.  I look at your hair that seems so versatile and free flowing and with so many options, and I wish I could have your hair.

When I was 8, my parents got divorced. My dad took me to get my passport photo so that I could travel to Ireland to stay with my grandparents. I had lovely shoulder length dirty blonde hair.  Right after the photo he took me to some sort of a haircut place and had it all chopped off into short poodle curls.  And off I went to a foreign country, new passport but a whole identity stripped away.  A, seemingly, cold hearted father chopping off my hair and walking out of my life. Again, outlook.

My dad was wounded too.

For the past 5 years I have let my hair get longer and longer. Stressful and painful circumstances, tight on resources, loss of interest, laziness whatever.  My hair was long, way past my shoulders, down to below the middle of my back. And it was making me CRAZY!!!  I was always pulling on it accidentally, grandbaby girl was learning how to yank on it. It was hurting!

I finally took a look in the mirror and realized, "What am I trying to prove?". I went in and let my amazing stylist cut a large amount of length off and layer it.

So freeing.  I could breathe.  As I looked at the curls, which I had taken to just pulling back in a boring ponytail, I let go of and said goodbye to an old wound.  Once and for all.  My identity is in my King, My Father God who loves me.

In a couple of weeks we're having a party for my 50th birthday. It's an 80's dance party and everyone has to come dressed for the 80's.  I still have enough hair to do some seriously big hair and I am going for it big time. I will dress in some sort of neon clothing and I will dance to lots and lots of my favorite songs from the 80's. I will laugh with my friends and family and eat BBQ and potluck and be delighted with how many young people are in my life. Lots of amazing kiddos are coming to my party.

Over the next couple of weeks, I'm looking back on 50 years of life and I'm saying, Hasta Finito, Baby. That chapter is over.  I'm looking forward and saying, "My future is so bright, I gotta wear shades."  No more identity crisis, over my hair or anything else. I know who I am and I know where I'm going.  And it looks good. I may even chop some more of my hair off.

I've got plenty to spare.

I know this post is a bit long.  I'm turning 50 though. I figure ya'll will cut me some slack.  I pray that you find those places where you can 'chop off some hair' and find your true identity in your Daddy God!