Did you know that in order to step into the future in a whole and healthy way that you might need to take a step back into your past?
And that sometimes stepping into the past hurts. A lot.
Ever since being on my own, my eyes have been opened to the extent of my own failures within my marriage. I was aware within the marriage, but outside of it, my "glitches" are so obvious to me! And, to a much smaller and less noticeable degree, those glitches still play out in my life, mostly with my friends.
And that motivates me to change. In fact, it totally freaks me out so bad that I KNOW I NEED TO CHANGE AND I AM WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN!
But how does a girl change 40+ years of bad habits?
She looks back.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated. ---Isaiah 61:4
I am going to define 4 words for you: ruins/devastated and rebuild/restore.
Ruins/Devastated: a place laid waste, desolation, desert, decayed places, deserted, waste
Rebuild/Restore: establish, cause to continue, arise, confirm, to be valid, to be proven, to erect, build
Also, things long devastated carries the meaning "former things" which reminds me that one of God's words for me this year is "perceive"...and it means to perceive the new things God is doing in my life.
Awesome!
I am reading a book called Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk and it is really striking a chord with me.
You know when you find a book and you feel like it was written just for you? This is one of those books for me.
Yesterday I wrote this down in my journal about developing TRUST in a relationship:
1. I display trust by being truthful.
2. I open up and show you what is going on inside of me.
3. I show you what I am experiencing in my relationship with you. This gives you good information, and better decisions are made because YOU SEE ME.
And I can not begin to tell you how hard is has been for in the past to truly show myself and be vulnerable. My natural reaction has been to close up, build walls, and not reveal a thing to you.
And that only keeps me isolated and alone.
My friends know that if I don't answer my phone or text back for a few hours, something is amiss. I rarely do this anymore, but my friends hunt me down when I do.
And thank God for that!
Now maybe, I don't run as much, but opening up and letting you SEE ME? Well, I am not so far along in that one. I have made progress, but I have miles to go before I am where I want to be...and where God wants me to be.
He wants me to be healed and whole.
So, I am OK with revisiting the ruins and spending time in some broken places.
Only because I want to move forward.
I have reached a point where it hurts more to stay stuck in my "glitches", than it does to put myself out there and be vulnerable. And that is only because God moved in and shed His loving light on my darkness that has been in me for so so long.
My daily prayer is that God will lovingly move on my heart and expose what He wants to heal. And I also pray for willingness and listening ears.
Only He can do this work within me.
TODAY'S TOPIC: Is there a particular area in your life that God is rebuilding and restoring? Is there an area where you want to see Him do that? How can we pray for you today?
I am glad you are healing. You are a beautiful lady! Thanks for sharing your heart.
Posted by: Angela Crank | January 21, 2014 at 09:12 PM