Lately I've been really struggling with doubt. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that the root is fear.
My wonderful hubby is a self employed artist. We all know the line about "starving artists". Trust me, we're not starving - my scale is a clear indicator of that. But, being self employed and being an artist does not exactly guarantee a regular paycheck or the ability to "budget" because there is no baseline to start with. It's nerve wracking at times.
This is one of those times. All our bills are due or coming due. This month our hope is to be able to pay the mortgage and then begin the refinance process. At the moment, though, there is no work in sight. That is a key phrase - "in sight". I can't see it, hubby can't see it. It's just not visible. And it's scary. So I begin to doubt.
This morning I was reading about Peter. When the storm is roiling around the disciples, they see a 'ghost' in the mist walking across the scary waves and they were terrified. But Peter calls out, "Lord is that you? If so, tell me to come to you and I will". So Jesus says 'Come'. Peter hops right out of the boat and begins to walk on the water! What???? That's crazy! But he's doing it. Right before he gets to Jesus, he looks around at the waves, is filled with doubt and begins to sink. Jesus reaches down, lifts him up and says, "Oh ye, of little faith, why did you doubt?".
I'll admit it. I'm scared. I'm seeing the waves all around me and I'm feeling like I'm sinking. But Jesus is looking at me and saying, "Come". The little dinghy of 'control' that I'm clinging to (silly, I know) is not going to save me. The only thing that's going to save me is keeping my gaze firmly fixed on Jesus. No matter what happens, He is always going to reach down and lift me up. He is walking across (on top of) my waves and saying, "Only believe and all will be well, don't doubt, trust ME, call on my name, bring your thoughts captive to MY obedience, TRUST ME!".
In spite of my rollercoaster emotions, that's exactly what I'm going to do. He showed me this morning that the fact that we have nowhere else to turn except to Him is a gift. Not a last resort. A gift of peace. And Peace is exactly what I need to cast out the fear and the doubt.
I pray you find His peace today in your circumstances.
Did you write this one for me? Totally encouraging, my friend!
Posted by: randi | January 17, 2013 at 07:27 AM
Funny thing is we are never in control. Peace is priceless no matter the circumstance.
Posted by: Kendra | January 17, 2013 at 07:42 AM
My heart totally echoes what you wrote and I can't tell you how many times this week I have said these words "Lord, I chose to focus on YOU, not the waves crashing around me!" Thank you for PEACE Lord!!! Love you Erin!
Posted by: Donna | January 17, 2013 at 07:55 AM
Excellent reminder of why we need to look up and not at the stuff around us...
Posted by: rhea | January 17, 2013 at 08:11 AM
I had a conversation such as this with my daughter today. They are facing a financial dilemma for the first time in 12 yrs. of marriage. My SIL's company has no more work for their engineers in 3 weeks. Everyone will be let go. They're in a mega home and my DD's income will not cover the mortgage. I told her to be quiet and let God whisper in her ear. He will. You know when you're in His will, easy road. Struggle equates rethinking what's going on. I told her God always has a window open but we truly have to relinquish control and admit He is Lord! We don't learn to be dependent on The Lord if we have no struggles. You will discover something wonderful is about to take place.
Posted by: Mrs.McDaniel | January 18, 2013 at 10:19 PM