restoring relationship

Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath.  

--James 1:19

What is the point of confrontation?

Being right?

Getting someone to change?

Showing someone that they are wrong?

Technically, I think that the point of confronting someone is restoration.

Restoration of relationship, to be exact.

Things happen.  People do things that hurt us--things that cause disunity.  We need to talk about those things.

But what is my motive?

Am I seeking to understand?  Am I entering a conversation to hear what someone has to say?  Am I seeking to restore the relationship--to make it stronger?

I wish I could say that I have answered "yes" to these questions for a long time, but I haven't. I have confronted to show error.  To point out harm done.  To insist that the person change.

Those motives will always feel like an attack to the person I am approaching.

Confronting is to bring about restoration.  A harm done needs to be talked about and swept out of the way so that a relationship can function properly.

So that we can more fully understand each other.

So that we can know each other better

So that we can stand by each other's side.

What are your thoughts and struggles when it comes to confronting people?

Comments

[Robin in New Jersey]

In the past I wanted to confront to show the person they were wrong and had hurt me. Now I find as I get older, I need to confront so the person can be restored to a right relationship with Christ. Some people are very blind to their faults. I would never do it without much prayer and the right attitude.

[erin n.]

good post, randi. i'm learning that confrontation doesn't always have to be scary or end in a fight. and i have to be willing to hear what the other person has to say too.

[sandyb]

Great post - I used to run away from confrontation - not wanting to hurt the other person or myself. Now I run to it, speak my mind. I used to bottle things up but now I face them and life is less stressful and things aren't really as bad as I had thought they were or would be. This has also made me a better listener.

Thank you for this wonderful post. More people should learn and listen to your posting.

[Danielle]

Great post at the perfect time!

[Denise Chambers]

In my dealings with people over the years (we're in ministry so dealing with people can certainly be "interesting") God has taught me to pay close attention to Matthew 7:1-5. Now people are so quick to spout verse one....and two, if they can remember it :-D but there's so much more to learn personally from these verses than just "Do not judge..." We are commanded to judge believers in 1 Corinthians 5:12,13 but there is a right way to do it and that's looking at yourself first and foremost. What log do I have in my own eye? I love the fact that God talks about the log in my eye and just a speck in my brother's eye; He knows my flesh so well. So, I try to look at myself first, frisk my thoughts (Phil. 4:8), take a good look at where my flesh is winning over, determine to change in the power of the Holy Spriit then, if the Lord so asks me....I help my fellow believer with the speck.

[Angi]

"Technically, I think that the point of confronting someone is restoration."

I completely agree...and yet, when my emotions get caught up I can often loose sight of this.

By the way, is there a way to subscribe to Beauty from Ashes?

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