beauty from ashes

Can I Do This? (By Erin)

Can I do this?

Two very dear friends and I decided to can some of our food this fall.  Yesterday we processed 7 five gallon buckets of tomatoes.  We still have 5 more to do.  This is approximately 275 pounds of tomatoes.  I'll admit I was thinking, "Am I insane?".  Yet we just kept  moving and by encouraging one another we slogged (sometimes sloshed on the floor) our way through those buckets.

On my plate this week are the following:  My oldest boy, the daddy to be, severed the tip of his left middle finger last week.  It could  not be reattached and we are  looking at plastic surgery/skin grafts and at least three months of healing and physical therapy.  We have 4 doctor appointments this week, just for him, plus tons of paperwork to fill out and return to the insurance company.  His girl, the mommy to be, is sick with a bad cough, living in a situation at home that defies description and we need to get her moved out of there and into our house.  My husband has been gone since May, working, and won't be home until the end of October.  My youngest is just plain missing his mommy because I've been so busy.

I find myself thinking, "Can I do this?".  I'm tired, my body hurts, and so much of this seems completely overwhelming.  I want to curl up in my bed and zone out on Netflix for about a year.  I want to run and hide and make it all go away and have everything be perfect.  When I watch the news and see the craziness in the world I think, "How can anybody do this?".  There are moments when it all just seems to be too much to handle.

It's in those moments, though, that I hear that still small voice saying, "You CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens you".  So I stop.  I stop feeling sorry for myself.  I stop whining.  I stop thinking in the negative and start thinking in the positive.  I keep moving  forward.  My friends call and text and pray for me and lift me up when I feel weak.  My husband calls and texts and prays for me.  Even my youngest prays over my hurting body.  Everything I am facing this week is manageable because Jesus is with me.  I don't have  to do it all at once, I only have to live in the moment.

This winter I'll be enjoying homemade tomato soup, that I canned. Today I may be slogging and sloshing my way through, but I can.

I'm praying that you see that you can too.

restoring relationship

Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath.  

--James 1:19

What is the point of confrontation?

Being right?

Getting someone to change?

Showing someone that they are wrong?

Technically, I think that the point of confronting someone is restoration.

Restoration of relationship, to be exact.

Things happen.  People do things that hurt us--things that cause disunity.  We need to talk about those things.

But what is my motive?

Am I seeking to understand?  Am I entering a conversation to hear what someone has to say?  Am I seeking to restore the relationship--to make it stronger?

I wish I could say that I have answered "yes" to these questions for a long time, but I haven't. I have confronted to show error.  To point out harm done.  To insist that the person change.

Those motives will always feel like an attack to the person I am approaching.

Confronting is to bring about restoration.  A harm done needs to be talked about and swept out of the way so that a relationship can function properly.

So that we can more fully understand each other.

So that we can know each other better

So that we can stand by each other's side.

What are your thoughts and struggles when it comes to confronting people?

Oh! Thank You So Much!!!

I realized tonight that the above phrase can be said, ultimately, in two (2) ways.  The first is the delightful, surprised, super pleased, truly thankful way we feel when someone does something wonderful for us.  Thank you for doing the dishes (insert name of child here or hubby or whomever), I truly didn't expect that!  Thank you for the lovely gift that I wouldn't have chosen for myself.  And in some cases, it's a deeper feeling of thanks.  Thank you for noticing me, for "seeing" me, for believing in me, for trusting me, and above all, making me feel valued.

Then there's the other Thank you so much.  Wow, why does this "always" happen to me?  Thank you soooo much, husband, child, friend, parent, thank you "soooooo" much, God.  This is just what I needed, on top of everything else that's going on, or in the past tense: gone on (happened to me) - although we do so love to carry the past around like a badge of honor.  We tend to think, "If you only knew what I've been through, what he, she, they, it did to me".  Believe me, I know what you have been through, because I have been through it too.   Maybe we haven't shared the exact same experience, but seriously, pain is pain.  And it is dang hard to find a place to be thankful in the midst of pain.

I'm gonna be super real here and share an aspect of my life with you all (however many you all is :)   )  I have a completely, and I mean completely unexpected grandchild due in 2013.  This baby has turned my family's world upside down.  I am walking a road I never anticipated.  I have been stretched beyond what I thought was even possible, and this walk has just begun.  The circumstances surrounding us appear to be so complicated.  I have shed many tears.   I did not expect, at all, to find myself in this kind of a situation, in fact I had planned for life to be almost the exact opposite of what it is! I'm laughing even as I write that! I had planned.  

As our evening wound down tonight, and I hugged and kissed our lovely girl who is carrying the baby, I looked, again, at the ultrasound picture on the fridge, with the baby looking straight out at us and suddenly my heart was overwhelmed with thankfulness. And all of the 'pain' that I imagine I'm walking through disappeared in a moment of hope that took my breath away, and I earnestly said, "Thank you, God".  And He said, "You're welcome".  So I lay my plans down and trust in God's plan.  And really strive to thank him for all things, especially when it doesn't line up with what I think it should be, because that is when Daddy is perfecting His image in me.

Thanks for listening..........

LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY!

A mountain lion strolled across my driveway last week.  A MOUNTAIN LION!  Okay, so I do live at the base of the mountains, and we have bears too, but a mountain lion?  I wasn't the one who saw him, but I tell you what I have been aware of his potential presence.  And I've been a little afraid.  And I don't like admitting that.  I feel like I should be strong, and take authority over it, and I am working on that.  But I'm still allowing a trace of fear.  

There are lots of things to fear, right? Not enough money to pay the bills or the mortgage or buy the food. The cars might break down,  Something bad might happen to one of the children, or my spouse, or my marriage. Or, just look at the headlines today.  There's some seriously scary stuff going on in the world, in our towns, our neighborhoods; our schools.  At times, it makes you want to call out, "Take me HOME, Jesus! Please!"  

Earlier in the day, before the lion showed up, I prayed with a friend who had allowed fear to keep her from praying to forgive her parents for things they had done when she was a young girl.  She wasn't withholding forgiveness, necessarily, but the fear of letting God in to heal the pain, was keeping her bound up.  By facing her fear, which took a lot of courage, she left here that day a free and healed woman.  I honestly think she looked 10 years younger!

God says that the devil roams to and fro on the earth, like a lion, looking for whom he can devour.  But God also says that Jesus is the Lion of Judah, so the devil is just an imposter.  God says he has not given me a spirit of fear but that he has given me a spirit of power, love and a sound mind.  And God says that he's never going to leave me, so even when a mountain lions strolls across my path, threatening to make me afraid, I know that he is with me.  Knowing that he is with me gives me the courage to face that "lion" even when I "feel" afraid.

FIGHTING MY FEARS

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.   2 Timothy 1:7

We all struggle with fear to some degree.

Sometimes it comes on as little "what-ifs" and cautions, and sometimes it comes with great force, covering us like a wet, heavy blanket designed to keep us from breathing fresh air and perceiving reality.

Lately I have expended a lot of energy fighting my fears, knowing that they are not God-inspired.  When God is trying to get my attention and wants me to be cautious, He allows my peace to weaken.  It's like a little red-flag in my spirit.

Fear, on the other hand, overwhelms.  It takes over and, if I let it, gets in the driver's seat of my life. You can probably guess that this spirit of fear is not a good decision-maker or life guide.

Knowing the difference between these two feelings takes practice.  I have to pay attention and (this is the hard part) let the feelings run their course before taking any action.  Sometimes this takes 5 minutes, sometimes it takes half of my day.  But waiting always yields a more rational, healthy decision on my part.

The spirit of fear is going to crop up in my life, no doubt about it.  My ability and willingness to approach it with a sound mind is the key to overcoming.  All it takes is practice.  And prayer.

Lots of prayer.