beauty from ashes

weakness...why?

Lately I have been thinking about the idea of "weakness".  I do know that God has been teaching me a lot about this, but it's almost like the more I learn, the more the questions come up.  

***Why do I have so many weaknesses?

***Is it me, or are they multiplying?

***Why do I feel so insecure at times?

***Does everyone feel like this?

In this, I also wonder if the weaknesses are actually a gift---like a vehicle that drives me to my God.  I do know that my biggest time of growth and change, and my best time of connection with God has been during times of difficulty, and much has been revealed as I have learned to be more honest with myself about who I am and what I struggle with.

MY grace is all you need. MY power works best in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

See what I mean?

It's like we are supposed to be weak, so that HE can show HIMSELF strong within us.

This verse does not say that GOD will make me strong.  It says that in my weakness, HE is shown strong.  There is a big differnence in those two ideas.  They actually oppose each other.

I am going to be honest here...

Lately I have a bit of a struggle with going to church.  Over the last 10+ years I have wandered from church to church, enjoying each one for a while, and then leaving when things start to feel uncomfortable---usually right about the time I start feeling "at home".  Now, I know where this all stems from.  I was part of a very rough church situation a number of years ago where, to be honest, I almost walked away from God.  What was left of my relationship with HIM after it was all over, was the tiniest thread, but I will say that my GOD is really good at holding onto tiny threads.  

Only HIS grip on me kept me with HIM.

Now, many years later, those feelings and fears like to show themselves whenever I feel good about where I am fellowshipping, and generally when I am ready to get more involved.

Hmmm....sounds a little suspicious to me, don't you think?

But no matter where the struggle stems from, the weakness is mine.  

My GOD promises to show HIMSELF strong on my behalf.  So, I choose to trust HIM.

Last week on Sunday I was having a great quiet time, writing down all kinds of cool things that I needed to keep in mind at church, and verses to hold onto.  But unfortunately I crashed and burned before I could even get into the shower to get ready.  Looking back I realize that all of those assurances were about me. I forgot that the main thing that GOD has for me right now is to trust HIM in everything.  There is no need to strengthen myself with words of power and ability...it's HIS power and ability that will propel me forward and truly walk me through the problem.  

It sounds so freeing to just get up and go to church on Sunday without all of the weird feelings!

So, at this point I am focusing on the fact that I don't have to rely on me.  This is all GOD'S job.  HE wants me to lay down my reliance on myself, and depend fully on HIM.  

What an incredible amount of pressure that takes off of me.

Such relief!

Have a lovely day, friends!

just want to share this with you...

I am reading a wonderful book called Becoming Myself by Stasi Eldredge and I came across these words that I want to share with you.  Ladies, we need to remember this:

"As God nurtures, protects, prepares and initiates us, He restores us to the truth of who we are and reality of the life we are living and meant to live. We can be satisfied.  We are loved, wanted, seen, delighted in, provided for, cherished, chosen, known and planned on.  We are set apart, believed in, invited, valued, of immeasurable worth, and blessed."

All of those things you have always wanted from someone in your life?  God has given to you already.

My prayer is that He opens your eyes to those good things today.

thankful

God,

You are so good to me.  You have walked with me through a season of humbling brokenness.  You have lovingly allowed me to fall apart, simply because you have something better for me.  You walked me through this because you love me, and you don't want me to stay in a place that is not Your best for me.

I sense the season has changed, and for that I am thankful.

Restoration has begun.

A few years ago you placed Joel 2:25 on my heart.  Your promise to me was to restore the years the locusts had taken away.  I admit that I expected that to look different than what you had planned for me.  You gently showed me that you were creating a new life for me:

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43: 19

The life you have walked me into is sparkling and bubbling up all around me.  All I have to do is look around to see all of the goodness you have given me.  A lovely home to share with my daughter...we call it our "bachlorette pad".  A business that allows me to do what I love.  Friends...the best ever!  You have placed me in the middle of a wonderful group of people that I adore.  And you have truly given me a future that is full of hope and promise.

And laughter.  You have given me so much laughter.

Thank you, Daddy.  You have given me more than I could have asked for or imagined.

With much love,

Your daughter.

***Click here to visit the Beauty from Ashes Facebook page.

little successes

"Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established."  Proverbs 16:3

Lately I find myself frustrated---with ME!  And it's not in a bad way where I feel like a loser or a disaster, but rather where I feel ready to be done with some bad habits---those areas where my patterns of thought and action are destructive to my relationships.

I am ready to change.

As the saying goes: This is where the rubber meets the road.

And things get challenging.

Right now I am stuck on that stretch of road between "head-knowledge" and "heart-knowledge".  I have a head full of great communication skills, life-living skills, and problem-solving skills.  Putting these into action has everything to do with what I "know" and nothing to do with what comes naturally to me.

It's simply applying steps A, B and C to  situation because I KNOW it's what is best, and then backing up to see what happens.

So far what has happened has been good.  And I am journaling those little successes so that I remember that I am making progress.

I have a friend who likes to remind me not to despise small beginnings.  Change takes time.  And often it's in the looking back that we see how far we have come

What about you?  Are there areas where you feel like you are driving blind?  Walking by faith rather than sight?

***I would love for you to leave a comment or join the discussion on the Beauty from Ashes Facebook page!

what i know to be true

My favorite book in the Bible is Hosea.

It's message is love and mercy, grace and redemption, and a God who never fails, even when life seems impossibly hard.

Reading through it once again I paused at the 2nd verse in chapter 1:

"When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, "Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord."

Honestly, I have never caught this before to this extent:

God asked Hosea to live out that which he would preach to the people.  He allowed Hosea to intimately understand the message he would deliver.

Oh boy, I can identify with that!  Much time over the last few years I have struggled "WHY?".  

Well, if I am really honest, I have struggled with "Are you freaking kidding me!!!!".

While I have received no answer or explanation for either one of these inquiries, I do know that my mess is truly becoming my message.

IT IS WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE.  IT IS WHAT I CAN TELL YOU IS FACT WITHOUT A SHADOW OF HESITATION.

My God loves me.  He cares for me.  He leads me.  He pursues me.  He will never leave me.  He is always by my side.  He is always available to give me direction.  He will take care of me on every level--spiritually, financially, emotionally.  He is my Husband, my Daddy, and my very best friend.

HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.

And He is all of those things for you too.  

YOU.  Just you.  All by yourself.  This is not a "we" thing.  HE LOVES YOU.

With a passion that you can not even begin to understand the depths of.

Lately, life has allowed me to further learn some of these truths, and I must say that my God does not disappoint.  He is all of the above and more.  Every single day.

What about you?  What lesson is God teaching you in your mess?  It is possible that He is fashioning your message?

***I would love for you to leave a comment or join the discussion on the Beauty from Ashes Facebook page!

professional me

The amatuer believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work.  The professional knows that fear can never be overcome.  He knows that there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.  ---Steven Pressfield

I have lived my life as an amatuer.

Up to this point, anyway.

Waiting for my feelings to change before I take that chance, mincing words that need to be said because I don't have the guts to say them, standing outside of intimacy because I feel to vulnerable and what if...WHAT IF...I get hurt?

...God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  ---2 Timothy 1:7

The fear is not from God...and sometimes it's not even from me.  It's that voice inside my head that loves to convey doom, lack and loss.

DOOM, LACK, LOSS

Stepping back, staring at those words, it's obvious that God has more for me.  And you.  He offers hope, abundance, and blessing.

HOPE, ABUNDANCE, BLESSING

Those 3 words.

If I really knew, at the core of who I am, that those 3 words defined my life, I would live differently, my choices would change, my risks would be bigger, and my trust would be HUGE!

It's not a matter of IF those words are a reality, it's a matter of me knowing it and walking into it.

It's a matter of living my life as an amatuer or as a professional.

An amatuer accepts doom, lack and loss.  An amatuer expects those things.

A professional expects  hope, abundance and blessing.

Hmmm...which one should I choose to be today?

things they are a changin' (by randi)

Do not fear change, for I am making you a new creation, with old things passing away and new things continually on the horizon.  When you cling to old ways and sameness, you resist My work within you. ---JESUS CALLING

...if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.  ---2 Corinthians 5:17

Is it possible that I have slowed down God's work in my life over the years simple because it was NEW?

It is CHANGE.

And guess what? I don't like change.  Most people don't.  Most of us cling to old ways in spite of the fact that they keep bringing the same stale results.

If the old is gone and new has come, shouldn't I expect change---shouldn't I welcome it?

The days, months and years following a divorce are an eye-opening time, to say the least.  You are presented with your side of the equation in a pretty stark way.  It's a necessary revelation, but not an easy one to swallow.

These days, I am learning new ways to operate within my relationships.  And guess what?  Some of them are great and I love them!

Others?

Not so great.  Not so easy.

Simply because they are new---CHANGE---they are hard.  And somewhat aggravating.  But they are my ticket to healthy relationships in my future.

See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  ---Isaiah 43:19

HE is going a new thing.

And I perceive it!

Today's topic: What new things are taking place in your life.  Are you resisting or allowing for those changes?

***We would love for you to leave a comment or follow the discussion on our Facebook page!

what is love? (by randi)

I wish I could fully answer the question "what is love?", but I can share with you some things I am learning.  

And with Valentine's Day coming up, what better thing to talk about than "love"?

I think we all know 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

That is quite the list, don't you think?

What I have been doing for last week or so, is personalizing this verse.  I really want to make it my own and let it soak into my life.  

I really want to learn how to love people like my God loves me: without condition and always looking out for the other person.

So here is my personalization that I read each morning.  Please note the items in bold and the ones I need some help with:

Randi is patient.

Randi is kind.

Randi does not envy.

Randi does not boast.

Randi is not proud.

Randi does not dishonor others.

Randi is not self-seeking.

Randi is not easily angered.

Randi keeps no record of wrongs.

Randi does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Randi always protects.

Randi always trusts.

Randi always hopes.

Randi always perseveres.

Randi never fails.

Yikes!  

Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to acheive perfection or beat myself up over my shortcomings, but I do legitimately want to figure out how to "love" better".  And to be quite honest, I didn't expect to fall so short on this list.

But I do know that exposing myself to the truth that lives inside me will only help me to grow, with my God's help.  And it is ultimately by drinking in the love that He pours out on me that will transform the love that I give to others.  

So, I will continue to read my list each morning and think about how I am doing. I will place those shortcomings before my God knowing that He wants to change me into a person that better reflects His love.  And because of how my He loves me, I can trust Him in this process.

Today's topic: When it comes to "love" what are your strengths and/or your weaknesses?  What areas would you like to allow God to change you in?  What areas will bring better about better relationships in your life?

***We would love for you to leave a comment or follow the discussion on our Facebook page!

do you hear what i hear? (by erin)

How many of you have seen the show, "Frasier"? It was a very witty sitcom with Dr. Frasier Crane, a Talk Radio Pyschiatrist, and he would always answer, "Dr. Frasier Crane, I'm listening", in a very soothing, authoritative, psychiatrist voice. He was available to listen 2 hours a day and then was off to live his upscale life in Seattle.

I'm so glad that God is not like that. 

One of my favorite scripture verses is Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord, he inclined (listened) and heard my cry.

Sometimes we have to wait patiently for the Lord. Sometimes I am not really very good at the patience part. But the key here is that God listens. He hears us. 

Verse 2 reads, He brought me also out of the horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock and ordered my goings. (GNV)

Not only does He hear us but He rescues us, from whatever horrible pit or sticky situation we are in and sets us back on our way.

Unlike Frasier, God is always available to listen to us. What I have found to be true for me is that the more I talk to Him and LISTEN to what He has to say, the faster I seem to get out of the pit. I still run to my friends for advice sometimes before I run to God, but ultimately He has the answers I'm seeking. I'm blessed to have friends that always point me back to Him.

Today's Topic: Is there a "pit" you find yourself in today? You can be certain if you cry out to God he will incline to you. Please let Randi and I know if you'd like us to be praying for you, specifically. It would be our privilege to do that.

***We would love for you to leave a comment or follow the discussion on our Facebook page!

looking back (by randi)

Did you know that in order to step into the future in a whole and healthy way that you might need to take a step back into your past?

And that sometimes stepping into the past hurts.  A lot.

Ever since being on my own, my eyes have been opened to the extent of my own failures within my marriage.  I was aware within the marriage, but outside of it, my "glitches" are so obvious to me!  And, to a much smaller and less noticeable degree, those glitches still play out in my life, mostly with my friends.

And that motivates me to change.  In fact, it totally freaks me out so bad that I KNOW I NEED TO CHANGE AND I AM WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN!

But how does a girl change 40+ years of bad habits?

She looks back.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated.  ---Isaiah 61:4

I am going to define 4 words for you: ruins/devastated and rebuild/restore.

Ruins/Devastated: a place laid waste, desolation, desert, decayed places, deserted, waste

Rebuild/Restore: establish, cause to continue, arise, confirm, to be valid, to be proven, to erect, build

Also, things long devastated carries the meaning "former things" which reminds me that one of God's words for me this year is "perceive"...and it means to perceive the new things God is doing in my life.

Awesome!

I am reading a book called Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk and it is really striking a chord with me.

You know when you find a book and you feel like it was written just for you?  This is one of those books for me.

Yesterday I wrote this down in my journal about developing TRUST in a relationship:

1. I display trust by being truthful.

2. I open up and show you what is going on inside of me.

3. I show you what I am experiencing in my relationship with you.  This gives you good information, and better decisions are made because YOU SEE ME.

And I can not begin to tell you how hard is has been for in the past to truly show myself and be vulnerable.  My natural reaction has been to close up, build walls, and not reveal a thing to you. 

And that only keeps me isolated and alone.

My friends know that if I don't answer my phone or text back for a few hours, something is amiss.  I rarely do this anymore, but my friends hunt me down when I do.

And thank God for that!

Now maybe, I don't run as much, but opening up and letting you SEE ME? Well, I am not so far along in that one. I have made progress, but I have miles to go before I am where I want to be...and where God wants me to be.  

He wants me to be healed and whole.

So, I am OK with revisiting the ruins and spending time in some broken places.

Only because I want to move forward.

I have reached a point where it hurts more to stay stuck in my "glitches", than it does to put myself out there and be vulnerable.  And that is only because God moved in and shed His loving light on my darkness that has been in me for so so long.

My daily prayer is that God will lovingly move on my heart and expose what He wants to heal.  And I also pray for willingness and listening ears.

Only He can do this work within me.

TODAY'S TOPIC: Is there a particular area in your life that God is rebuilding and restoring?  Is there an area where you want to see Him do that?  How can we pray for you today?