It is good to be back from my short blogging break. Not only did the extra time away from the computer allow me to visit with my mom, it also allowed me to feel refreshed and ready to get back to posting. I don't know about you but I have to step away from my blog occasionally or I start to feel stressed over it, as if it is a job and not a fun hobby. The break did me good.
My visit with my mom went well, better than in the past. I haven't seen her for three years so I was feeling flustered over seeing her after such a long time. My relationship with my mom has always been an interesting one, in my opinion, lacking in the normal mother/daughter closeness and bond.
My mom is a very isolated person, not only physically, but emotionally also. I think that her past hurts have caused her to close herself off from everyone around her as a protection. Only as an adult am I learning to understand this, and admittedly, it remains a struggle for me.
A phone conversation with my mom consists of talking about the weather and other minor issues. Even when we talk about my kids, she tends to feel more comfortable when I talk about what they are doing, rather than what they might be feeling or struggling with. She will ask about my husband's work and homeschooling, but everything else remains untouched.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I have always wanted a mom that I could call and talk to---really talk to. Someone that I could seek advice and help from and be encouraged by. Of course my desire would be that I could be the same for her, but at this point in life I know that what I have today is probably what I need to be content and thankful for.
God has provided a mother-figure in many ways over my lifetime. I remember Melanie and Cheryl from my childhood, and I am so thankful for Alice, Barbara and Jane from my present. All of them are a shoulder to lean on and an ear that I can trust. Even here in the blogosphere there are ladies that I haven't met in person, but who provide me with the encouragement and advice of a Titus 2 woman.
I need that.
And I am so thankful.
I miss my mom and I am glad that we had a full week together. My continued prayer is that God will soften her hurts and her heart and that she will become more open to life. Also, that we would be closer and bonded together in a deeper way. If these things do not come to fruition, I continue to ask God to fill me and provide for me as He sees the need.
I love my mom and I am content in our relationship. I just wish we were closer, like a mom and daughter should be...